i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
