Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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