so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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