i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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