I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize