I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
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