so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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