I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
