I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
