When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Randomize
