i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
