I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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