Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
it's great music for shaving your balls
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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