mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
