I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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