this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
