I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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