Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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