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I just cut my nipple shaving
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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