we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
