I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize