My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
