he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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