Got a toothbrush?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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