can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
