Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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