I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
