found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
