You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
