I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
