New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
