I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
