I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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