dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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