Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
