so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
