i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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