Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize