you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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