***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
