drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
