having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
