My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
