She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
