I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
