well you can't waste a boner
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
