btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
