so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
