You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
