Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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