Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
