it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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