He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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