In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
be right there i have to get my cape
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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