i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
