He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
