Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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