if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
