I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
