How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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