Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize