matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize