I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
