Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
