absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize
