Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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