At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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