If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
