Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
