dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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