I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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