No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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