You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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